you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
