I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
