Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
