sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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