I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
