dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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