Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
