In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my being single is dangerous.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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