You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just invented taco cereal.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
