Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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