We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Randomize
