He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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