i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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