But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i already hear my dad disowning me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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