I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
