Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
