At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
