He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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