see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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