so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
