LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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