I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You need Xanax blowdarts
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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