I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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