He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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