she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
