so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
