i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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