well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
