I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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