How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
