I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
