Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
