Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
