And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
