im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
