He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
