I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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