I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize