My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize