ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
