Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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