You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
