Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
