found the other keg... it's in the tree
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
