there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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