wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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