i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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