I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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