I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
