is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
