I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
