you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
