oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
