I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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