so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
