Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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