I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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