I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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