all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
