My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
