where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
