I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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