Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
