you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
