You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
