Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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