do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
