Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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