so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
