i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
