I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dicks are not precious.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
