i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
