I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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