So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
