we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
