I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
