i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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