The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
soo... how was my night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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