I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
