Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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